went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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