you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize