i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The air taste purple.
Randomize
