oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
