My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
