We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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