You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
