Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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