THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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