I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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