You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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