You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
