Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Someone stole a lamp last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
