Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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