i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
