Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize