I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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