my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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