ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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