I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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