Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
