Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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