I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
