My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
