I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
