Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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