i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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