my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
