Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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