The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
