We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
