Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
