dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
