I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
pray to the hookup gods
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize