im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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