i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
