I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
