Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize