If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
