how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
