final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
