maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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