before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We need a shit load of segways right now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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