I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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