If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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