I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
