I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There are leaves in my underwear?
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