remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
