I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
