It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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