so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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