first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
