I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
