i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
