guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
