Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When did angry sex become our thing?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
