he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
