someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
