Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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