I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
