i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize