THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
