Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
