if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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