Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
