never play flip cup with pint glasses
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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