this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
