Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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