Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
