just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
