I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
