I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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