i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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